The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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