Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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