Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
