I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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