I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
high people should be assigned attendants
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
