she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
