giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Randomize
