I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
