ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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