i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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