Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
