update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
