If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
BRING THE BAGELS
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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