Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
