just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
