I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
