I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
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