i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
