2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
So much Jack, so little girl.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
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