dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Farmville is her only friend.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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