shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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