I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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