Have you finally orgasmed yet?
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
