I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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