so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I love you. Go after that dick
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize