Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
