Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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