I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
