so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Randomize
