yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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