in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
