OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
