vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
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