we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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