This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
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