I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
