I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
