Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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