It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
