Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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