So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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