you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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