If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
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