she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
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