He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize