areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
