Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize
