drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
