If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Randomize
