my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
