Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
