no, he came in my armpit
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I understand Curling. That high.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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