Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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