I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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