I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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