Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
