i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
You are the jesus of drinking
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
