i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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