i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
