question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
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