I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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