She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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